So I went kickboxing for the first time this evening. I'm not sore. Yet. By tomorrow my ass should be throbbing. Once again, get your damn mind out of the gutter.
After the first 20 minutes I was already on the floor weezing like a smoker who just climbed six flights of stairs. Needless to say I signed up for more punishment as soon as the class was over. Oh yeah, toss in some more weight training and some cardio and by mid summer I should be in whup ass shape. Of course, that means I'll need to cut back on the fast food and loose the soft drinks. Which is always hard as hell.
What's going on filmwise?
Too much, too much.
I'm working on my writeups and reviews for the Atlanta Hip Hop Film Festival. I didn't get to see a lot of films. However, the ones I did see were thought provoking. Except one. I saw it at the Urban Mediamakers Film Festival in the fall and it sucked then and it sucked now.
No offense to the beautiful and intelligent ladies of the AHHF, but The Sun Will Rise was a shitty 5 minute trailer at UM and now it's a shitty 5 minute short at AHHF. That's right, what was once a trailer 9 months ago is now a short.
What's really perplexing is that of the 8 or 9 films I did see at AHHF, they were all festival worthy flix.
I know Li'l Zane and Jevon were in the film, but so what? It gets you a few more folks to walk the purple carpet, which gets you a few more pics and some write-ups. But, the focus should be putting butts in the seats and helping talented filmmakers gain exposure.
I know we all want to support the folks who are trying to come up out there. But bullshit will always be bullshit. And 30 years from now, would you really want bullshit like Sun on your resume? Think long and hard before you answer that. Think loooong and hard.
By the way. The AHHF site lists The Sun will Rise (a title, in retrospect, that has little relation to the story) as only 5 minutes long. Da hell? That sucka felt 6 times as long and 10 times more painful than sitting through ATL.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Sometimes You Have to Break...
I always said I would get a little personal on this blog. This will be one of those times.
The last few days I've been missing my Best Friend. (As soon as I say she that should be more than enough to fill in quite a bit of backstory. How that backstory played out isn't as important as the fact that the falling out had to come.) It's been one of those "why are my dreams about ******" kind of week.
Me and ****** had a falling out that, in retrospect, was a long time coming.
When it comes to relationships, what's most difficult to reconcile is the basic desire to not be alone with the ability to make healthy choices. Healthy choices often mean standing alone for long extended periods of time looking crazy. While staying in a relationship, even just a basic friendship, often means feeling lonely for long extended periods while looking crazy.
What's the difference? Healthy choices eventually make sense. They always do. It may take months, it may take years. But it's kind of like playing the stock market. No matter how bad you lose in the short term, the market will always pull through in the long run. It will make sense. (Oh God, I hope it makes sense.)
What hurts most isn't that our friendship ended. It's that we can't even talk like two rational adults. I refuse to believe that, as much pain we caused each other, there should be this much animosity and anger between us. Because, it's all one sided.
(In fact, I have another friend with whom I'm also in a similiar prediciment. Again, I think it's anger that's holding things back. Yeah, I had a few dreams about him too. Get your damn mind out of the gutter, it wasn't sexual. In fact, neither were the ones about the girl. And, if you can't figure it out, the guy and the girl are linked. If you guessed that, what you 'd be wrong about is that they were romantically involved. No, it's much more complicated and convoluted than that.)
It took me over a decade to learn that anger is a cancerous emotion that festers inside your marrow, slowly eating away at your soul, your self-esteem and ultimately your relationships.
To not be friends because of a wrong committed (which I take full responsibility for) is understandable. However, to reach that decision, one has to make it absent anger, absent hate. Because everybody f*cks up. And everybody f*cks up more than once. The question is, did they do it out of anger? Did they do it out of spite? Are they geniunely sorry for what they did? Do they even know what they did wrong? (That last bit is huge. We're often sorry, however, we aren't sorry for the right reasons.)
I really wanted to end this post on a kick-ass coda. And re-reading it, it doesn't quite flow in my prefered style. But, I like this post. It's messy and true with just a hint of self-delusion. And I'll leave you to figure what's true and what's false.
The last few days I've been missing my Best Friend. (As soon as I say she that should be more than enough to fill in quite a bit of backstory. How that backstory played out isn't as important as the fact that the falling out had to come.) It's been one of those "why are my dreams about ******" kind of week.
Me and ****** had a falling out that, in retrospect, was a long time coming.
When it comes to relationships, what's most difficult to reconcile is the basic desire to not be alone with the ability to make healthy choices. Healthy choices often mean standing alone for long extended periods of time looking crazy. While staying in a relationship, even just a basic friendship, often means feeling lonely for long extended periods while looking crazy.
What's the difference? Healthy choices eventually make sense. They always do. It may take months, it may take years. But it's kind of like playing the stock market. No matter how bad you lose in the short term, the market will always pull through in the long run. It will make sense. (Oh God, I hope it makes sense.)
What hurts most isn't that our friendship ended. It's that we can't even talk like two rational adults. I refuse to believe that, as much pain we caused each other, there should be this much animosity and anger between us. Because, it's all one sided.
(In fact, I have another friend with whom I'm also in a similiar prediciment. Again, I think it's anger that's holding things back. Yeah, I had a few dreams about him too. Get your damn mind out of the gutter, it wasn't sexual. In fact, neither were the ones about the girl. And, if you can't figure it out, the guy and the girl are linked. If you guessed that, what you 'd be wrong about is that they were romantically involved. No, it's much more complicated and convoluted than that.)
It took me over a decade to learn that anger is a cancerous emotion that festers inside your marrow, slowly eating away at your soul, your self-esteem and ultimately your relationships.
To not be friends because of a wrong committed (which I take full responsibility for) is understandable. However, to reach that decision, one has to make it absent anger, absent hate. Because everybody f*cks up. And everybody f*cks up more than once. The question is, did they do it out of anger? Did they do it out of spite? Are they geniunely sorry for what they did? Do they even know what they did wrong? (That last bit is huge. We're often sorry, however, we aren't sorry for the right reasons.)
I really wanted to end this post on a kick-ass coda. And re-reading it, it doesn't quite flow in my prefered style. But, I like this post. It's messy and true with just a hint of self-delusion. And I'll leave you to figure what's true and what's false.
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