Painglorious or how I kickboxed it old school

So I went kickboxing for the first time this evening. I'm not sore. Yet. By tomorrow my ass should be throbbing. Once again, get your damn mind out of the gutter.

After the first 20 minutes I was already on the floor weezing like a smoker who just climbed six flights of stairs. Needless to say I signed up for more punishment as soon as the class was over. Oh yeah, toss in some more weight training and some cardio and by mid summer I should be in whup ass shape. Of course, that means I'll need to cut back on the fast food and loose the soft drinks. Which is always hard as hell.

What's going on filmwise?

Too much, too much.

I'm working on my writeups and reviews for the Atlanta Hip Hop Film Festival. I didn't get to see a lot of films. However, the ones I did see were thought provoking. Except one. I saw it at the Urban Mediamakers Film Festival in the fall and it sucked then and it sucked now.

No offense to the beautiful and intelligent ladies of the AHHF, but The Sun Will Rise was a shitty 5 minute trailer at UM and now it's a shitty 5 minute short at AHHF. That's right, what was once a trailer 9 months ago is now a short.

What's really perplexing is that of the 8 or 9 films I did see at AHHF, they were all festival worthy flix.

I know Li'l Zane and Jevon were in the film, but so what? It gets you a few more folks to walk the purple carpet, which gets you a few more pics and some write-ups. But, the focus should be putting butts in the seats and helping talented filmmakers gain exposure.

I know we all want to support the folks who are trying to come up out there. But bullshit will always be bullshit. And 30 years from now, would you really want bullshit like Sun on your resume? Think long and hard before you answer that. Think loooong and hard.

By the way. The AHHF site lists The Sun will Rise (a title, in retrospect, that has little relation to the story) as only 5 minutes long. Da hell? That sucka felt 6 times as long and 10 times more painful than sitting through ATL.

Sometimes You Have to Break...

I always said I would get a little personal on this blog. This will be one of those times.

The last few days I've been missing my Best Friend. (As soon as I say she that should be more than enough to fill in quite a bit of backstory. How that backstory played out isn't as important as the fact that the falling out had to come.) It's been one of those "why are my dreams about ******" kind of week.

Me and ****** had a falling out that, in retrospect, was a long time coming.

When it comes to relationships, what's most difficult to reconcile is the basic desire to not be alone with the ability to make healthy choices. Healthy choices often mean standing alone for long extended periods of time looking crazy. While staying in a relationship, even just a basic friendship, often means feeling lonely for long extended periods while looking crazy.

What's the difference? Healthy choices eventually make sense. They always do. It may take months, it may take years. But it's kind of like playing the stock market. No matter how bad you lose in the short term, the market will always pull through in the long run. It will make sense. (Oh God, I hope it makes sense.)

What hurts most isn't that our friendship ended. It's that we can't even talk like two rational adults. I refuse to believe that, as much pain we caused each other, there should be this much animosity and anger between us. Because, it's all one sided.

(In fact, I have another friend with whom I'm also in a similiar prediciment. Again, I think it's anger that's holding things back. Yeah, I had a few dreams about him too. Get your damn mind out of the gutter, it wasn't sexual. In fact, neither were the ones about the girl. And, if you can't figure it out, the guy and the girl are linked. If you guessed that, what you 'd be wrong about is that they were romantically involved. No, it's much more complicated and convoluted than that.)

It took me over a decade to learn that anger is a cancerous emotion that festers inside your marrow, slowly eating away at your soul, your self-esteem and ultimately your relationships.

To not be friends because of a wrong committed (which I take full responsibility for) is understandable. However, to reach that decision, one has to make it absent anger, absent hate. Because everybody f*cks up. And everybody f*cks up more than once. The question is, did they do it out of anger? Did they do it out of spite? Are they geniunely sorry for what they did? Do they even know what they did wrong? (That last bit is huge. We're often sorry, however, we aren't sorry for the right reasons.)

I really wanted to end this post on a kick-ass coda. And re-reading it, it doesn't quite flow in my prefered style. But, I like this post. It's messy and true with just a hint of self-delusion. And I'll leave you to figure what's true and what's false.

Off the Bench Again

Gots a call yesterday while at the day job. Oh, wait, you need backstory.

Okay. The Atlanta Hip Hop Festival is this week and the festival's PR person a few weeks ago asked if CinemATL would be interested in hosting some Q&A's. Specifically, they wanted someone for Dead Prez's concert film It's Bigger than Hip Hop. First of all, it will be at the Carter Center. Sweet! Then this will be a premiere. Hells yeah! Last, but not least, the film was produced by Starz Entertainment, the same folks who are sponsoring the fest. Can. You. Dig it?

So's, I jumped at the chance. Okay, not jump. Yet, I did get excited about the possibilities. Then on Monday or Tuesday, I get an email telling me that Starz decided to go with someone else. Starz had their agenda, AHHF had theirs.

Did it upset me. In truth, not really. The open wallet picks the restuarant. (Damn, I loves me a good metaphor.)

Then on Wed. I get a call from AHHF and they ask if I'm still interested. Of course I'm still interested. So I'm back on.

This is a great chance to promote CinemATL and myself. It's also an opportunity to continue networking and to be more engaged.

Give me pencils, or give me death!

This picture was forwarded to me by a friend. Labeled Photos too graphic for the media the email has about a dozen more photos like it. The general theme being U.S. soldiers being kind to kids.

When I saw my friend, I playfully scolded her about sending a foward burried inside 6 or 7 other forwards. Then I went on to explain my problem with the email.

While I can understand the frustration folks may feel about the "lack" of coverage about the nice things, the truth is that Iraq is in the midst of a Civil War (or the beginnings of one). The secterian violence is the story.

Don't be fooled just because the fighting is only concentrated in certain areas. Our own Civil War mostly occured in the South and never traveled very deep into the North. In fact, for a war to be called a war, there's never been anything that says the fighting has to cover X amount of area.

Many folks are still fighting the Vietnam propoganda machine that labeled American Soldiers baby killers. And the reality is, no matter what we report here, the Iraqis are going to think what they think. We don't read their newspapers to form opinions about events in the U.S. I sure as hell can't see the Iraqis doing the same.

And being liked isn't always the most important end in the world. (I'm not jumping on the pro-war band wagon if that's what you think.) The good Parents and teachers learn that lesson early. Apply a hand to a kids backside and of course they're going to hate you for a while. The worse thing you can do is try to "make" up for it. All that does is make the kid resent you more and respect you less.

If we're bombing and shooting the unholy sh*t out of Iraq to truly help the people, then we need to accept that reality they're going to hate us. Pencils and books aren't going to appease anyone.

Yet, let's say my friend's postion is right and let's apply Iraq's scenario to the U.S. If there were mass suicide bombings here in the states, would we still be distressed that the AJC didn't tell us about police officers handing out pencils and books on page one?

Myspace: The Day the Web Stood Still

Okay. So I've joined Myspace. Are you happy.

You can wipe that smug look off your face.

I caved under the pressure to join Myspace because the potential networking possibilities were too tempting to not take advantage. A goal of mine is to grow my name. What's that you say?

Well, as I transition fulltime into writing, I also want to gain access to more people, more events and more opportunities. And the only way that's going to happen is by networking, and more importantly, by putting my name out there so folks go "Oh, you're Charles Judson." Which is happening more and more.

At one time I wasn't too happy about being stuck with the moniker Charles Judson. It just didn't slide off my tongue. Going to poetry readings, I dreaded using my name. Everyone else had poet names, like Ravine or Flower's Deep.

Okay, I made those names up and they sound horrible. Which is what I eventually understood.

Some folks had great aliases that reflected what they were about. For others--I'd even say most--it was obvious they were trying too hard. After the thousandth "Pussy Poem" by Ms. [Insert phonetically spelled name] those stage names become ubiquitous with bland, uninteresting, mind-numbing poetry. Oh, and self congratulatory celebration--can't forget that either.

Me? As crazy as I can get, I've always just been Charles. I have plenty of nicknames, but the truth is, I'm just Charles "Judd" Judson. I'm the guy who likes moving through different worlds and schmoozing with folks of all types of backgrounds. I'm the guy who likes art house flicks, John Woo blow-em ups and watching "Gilmore Girls." (Fuck you very much by the way.)

Always in the process of reinvention, the true me is too diverse to choose a new name. I'd be picking a new name every two years.

So, Charles Judson it's been on every public forum I've joined for the last few years. And now those two syllables are out there on the largest social network on the planet (at least, that's what I've been told).

And truth be told I want my work to sell the name Charles Judson and not the name to sell the work. So when folks say "Oh, you're Charles Judson." I know they're saying "I read X and I loved it. Or, "Y was well written, but I hated it." I'll even take "I thought it was badly written and I hated it."

Those are all preferable to: "Oh, you're Charles Judson. What do you do again?"

Would that be Meagan Good? Why yes it would...
Of course, she's been damn near everywhere in the "A" the last two months. As Mike put on CinemATL, there does seem to be an MGQ (Meagan Good quotient).

Will I be working hard to maintain this lovely perk. Hell to the Yeahs...

Thought you might enjoy another Pic.

Hell yeah, I'm gloating. In fact...

Jazsmin Lewis (Barbershop, Barbershop 2) will be in town for her latest film Tracy Townsend. And guess who gets to have brunch with her on Sunday. That's right bee-yotches.

Why do I work for CinemATL? This is why I work for CinemATL.

Issue #4 of CinemATL Goes Live Today!

It's about time. With my name appearing on about 10 pieces, this issue of CinemATL damn near killed me.

Yet, I'd be lying if I didn't admit to visiting the site before launch and reading my pieces over and over again. After years of waffling about my writing and if I even really wanted to pursue it, I'm finally starting to get comfortable. I'm still working to find my voice, but I know with practice that will continue to come into focus.

And I'm really excited to know that with this issue I'll have the chance to encourage some student filmmakers from Miller Grove High School. I can't wait for them to log on to see that yes, folks in Atlanta do give a f*ck about what they're doing.

With each issue I'm impressed and proud of the work the CinemATL crew is doing. From Mike handling the site and review duties, to Dan's pics, to Stephen's own writing, to Martin and Eric's vision and steering (I know I'm leaving folks out, you know I gots love for ya) I'm confident that CinemATL will be a major force in Atlanta for years to come.

Now if I can only get that whole deadline thang nailed down. Oh and there's that whole we need more writers thang...

Gots to Get on the Ball

Man, this has been a busy time. There are way too many events going on at the same time. Along with writing for the magazine (behind, natch) and working on my own personal projects, it's hard to keep this blog updated.

Big news is that by the end of this week I should be sending out information about a project I've taken on for the magazine. The last few months I've seen how there's a great base community of filmmakers and creative folks in the city and I've come to believe that that CinemATL can be a focal point in helping to build on top of that base.

Talking to Greg (one half of the dynamic duo that are the reason the forthcoming CinemATL podcast is even possible), he sounded excited about the possiblities for the podcast. If you aren't sure what I'm talking about just check back in. I'll be doing my best to keep you guys up to date on the happenings here.

And hopefully I'll post some more personal observations in a few days.

Too Long, Too Much Talking...So Much Potential

I've been covering the Independent Black Film Festival this week and yesterday was day two.

Admittedly, I don't know how the previous two years have gone, but so far I've been only partially satisfied with the films I've seen. Two shorts really got to me on Sunday and since then I haven't found any one work that has truly engaged me. However, buried under a mountain of excess dialogue, bad sound and stilted, flat staging I did witness the genesis of what should be great stories. Am I being fecicious? No.

Of what I saw (and thanks to a Professor from Howard for helping me open my eyes a little wider and to look deeper) some of the pieces were intuitively shot, edited and acted. When it happens once it's an accident. When it happens twice it's coincidence. When it happens three times it's potential.

I'll have to come back to this topic. But, I think we definitely have to consider not only the business of making films here, but the community aspect as well. Everyone has a story to tell and they each should have the opportunity to not only tell it, but to tell it well.

WIF/A: 6 - Atlantic Station Regal Cinema: 0

Reflecting on WIF/A's and WIFTI's Short Film Showcase:
(Orginally appeared on the cinemATL blog March 9th, 2006)

Let me get this out of the way. Whoever Atlantic Station Regal outsourced their A/V services to did a sh*tty job. Half way through A Place Called Home the DVD froze. That would be just the first of several glitches that added at least 45 minutes to the showcase's total running time.

At the cocktail reception afterwards, the Regal manager did give us free passes and graciously credited Sherry Richardson for single handedly keeping the showcase on track. Unfortunately, as the audience, we didn't know that it wasn't WIF/A who wasn't prepared. And since we only found that out after the showcase was over, first timers to a WIF/A event, who skipped the reception, are most likely now wandering the streets of Atlanta with a decidedly false impression about how WIF/A does things. (Let's not fail to mention that I got the notion that Fox Sports Grill was none to happy the reception started an hour late.)

However, who really cares when the shorts themselves were so damn strong. In particular, the 6 local shorts were beyond impressive. They were so moving semi-loyal readers, I've avowed to dial back my bitching and moaning about quality films coming out of the "A" from a 9 to an 8. Unfortunately, I've got to make my total quota, so I'm raising my B&M about why aren't more women behind the camera from a 7 to a right out 10. At sixteen percent, it's appalling that there are so few women writers, directors and producers working behind the scenes.

Starting with Charity Harvey's The Memory of History and ending with Raquel Asturias's Sharing Our Souls, these Women are the collectors of who we are. Their cameras aren't tools they're an extension of themselves. Mechanical appendages that organically allow them to be observers of the intimate and the minute.

Whether it's an oral and pictorial history of Herren's restaurant, a mockumentary about being a "video vixen" or a fairytale about our willingness to destroy the present to recreate a past that no longer exists, these are personal stories. Unflinching stories. Stories that we should be grateful have been added to our collective memory.

Sandra M. Yee's Hoo Hoo - Losing Mother Tongue probably encompasses what these film do best. In the opening frame, we're introduced to Yee's grandmother. Fierce, energetic, witty and willing to scold anyone within earshot, she's a character that you immediately gravitate to. Just as we're beginning to know her, we learn that a month after Yee started the documentary, her grandmother suffered a heart attack and died two days later. It's a sobering moment that only makes you grasp the previous six minutes ever more tightly.

As a part of celeberating International Women's Day, last night's films are a reminder that we must always be actively pursuing memory and creating memory. That we all need to be collectors of who we are.

Madea: Black Men In Hiding

When I get a chance this is what I'll rant about. Right now I've got to send off my submission for the Perfect Pitch (deadline is tomorrow), actually do some work for the job, hopefully get some cinemATL work done and then head off to see the Vagina Monologues tonite.

Coming Soon

Already I'm behind. The goal was to keep this updated every other day. Guess I'll have to shoot for something more manageable.

If you're wondering why I don't I update it now, it's because it's 2 in the morning. I should be in bed, which I'm doing...right...about....

Why Does Anne Coulter Hate the Oscars?

In all my 33 years living on this miraculous blue ball floating through space and time, I've only held a grudge against one Conservative. Although I consider myself a liberal, I don't feel any need to bash the other side for their ideas and their initiatives--debate yes, bash no. Except for one conservative commentator in particular.

Shrill, spiteful and willing to distort the truth to no end, Anne Coulter gets under my skin like no other person alive today. And if you think this is an anti woman thang, even Michelle Malkin doesn't set me off like Anne Coulter can. Coulter exudes an aura so dark she might as well take to dressing in black robes and carrying a gigantic scythe.

Doing little to dial back her hateful rhetoric, she has long since given up reworking the facts and just jumps right into generating a steady stream of hyperbole laden rants that don't just border on the ludicrous, they are the ludicrous.

Just read her 2006 "Oscar predictions." Anne Coulter's Oscar Predictions

Did you read it? Go back and read it dumbass, the rest of this rant will not be as entertaining if you haven't read the Wicked Witch of the Right's column first.

Okay, you're not going to read it first. As I don't have time to cajole you into doing shit in the proper order I'll give you a pass. This time.

In impeccable Coulter logic, she makes an assertion, links it to something completely and totally irrelevant (How in the hell do you link al-Zarqawi and Brokeback Mountain--well, maybe she has a point. He did try to fuck over the U.S. and now the U.S. wants to return the favor, so maybe she isn't that far off) and then continues on as if the average person won't notice the flaws. Here, she starts with the twin claims that Hollywood only green-lights "politically correct" movies and won't release the attendance numbers for Brokeback Mountain. Apparently, it's some Gay Hollywood conspiracy.

Here's a series of questions:

• When's the last time Hollywood released attendance numbers for any film? Even Titanic, the one film you figure a studio would want to brag about attendance never used attendance numbers. But why would you when throwing around six zeros (a million) isn't as impressive as being able to throw around 12 zeros (a billion)? Would I prefer to be rocking six or 12? Duh!
• Why isn't the yardstick of gross box-office numbers used for all films in theatrical release an adequate measure of success?
• If measuring attendance was important, wouldn't Broadway use attendance figures more often? Oh wait, like Hollywood, Broadway is in the money making business. Why else, like U.S. car makers and airlines, would theaters and producers tenaciously fight the unions over pay and benefits?

Ironically, Coulter's claim about a conspiracy of manipulation resembles the one's made in the 90's about Black films. The most prominent being the accusation that theaters were ringing up Malcolm X under other films to give those films a boost and to sabotage Malcolm's success.

It was a dubious claim when one considers that Hollywood, like the Mob is notorious for issuing out vicious payback. Warner Bros. would have pulled prints and held back prominent releases if they thought theaters were fucking with their money. As I've already stated, Hollywood is ultimately about measuring success in monetary terms. Selling tickets to rival films means that money is going to fill the coffers of rival studios. Contrary to belief, few folks, no matter how racist, are willing to give up millions.

Now let's assume that Coulter maybe right about this politically correct conspiracy, let's see the top 20 Box-office films for 2005. Let us parse it for any PC leanings. [list pulled from boxofficereport.com]

1. Revenge of the Sith - $380.26 m
2. Harry Potter 4 - $288.73 m
3. The Chronicles of Narnia - $288.19 m
4. War of the Worlds * - $234.28 m
5. King Kong - $216.68 m
6. Wedding Crashers - $209.22 m
7. Charlie & the Chocolate Factory - $206.46 m
8. Batman Begins - $205.34 m
9. Madagascar * - $193.14 m
10. Mr. & Mrs. Smith - $186.34 m
11. Hitch - $177.58 m
12. The Longest Yard * - $158.12 m
13. Fantastic Four - $154.70 m
14. Chicken Little - $134.64 m
15. Robots - $128.20 m
16. Walk the Line - $117.48 m
17. The Pacifier - $113.01 m
18. Fun with Dick & Jane * - $110.33 m
19. The 40 Year-Old Virgin - $109.24 m
20. Flightplan - $89.71 m

Found any political correctness yet? Me neither. Found any overtly pro-homosexual polemically tinted filmmaking? Hmmm, does C-3pO count?

Maybe a big ape having the hots for a blonde goes under the bestiality banner and you know how we liberals are an anything goes kind of people.

Of course, I can't understand how we let Narnia, an overt allegory of the Christ story written by a popular Christian thinker, make it to the screens. Damn you Disney! You had us eating out of your hands with your Gay friendly agenda. And then you betray us liberals by making Narnia!

Hitch does feature Will Smith (black) , Eva Mendes (hispanic) and Kevin James (white yes, but also fat, sensitive and wears glasses). However, it's so pro heterosexual I was disgusted. The tingly feeling Mendes was giving me in my pants almost forced me to walk out of the theater. Will what happened? You were soooo gay in Six Degrees of Seperation. In fact, fuck Wedding Crashers and 40-year-old Virgin too for glamorizing heterosexual marriages and couplings.

I know I shouldn't let Coulter get me so riled. But damnit, you're giving folks like my momma (A Conservative Black Republican) a bad name. My momma isn't a shrill, hateful woman. She's a woman that loves chocolate (Fernbank exhibit here we come) and tells funny stories about the addicts she's worked with for the last several years (is addiction humor politically correct, hell no, but it's still funny damnit). She's the woman who taught me the joy of reading. It is possible to be a CR without the rancorous commentary.

So please people. Stop feeding the blonde beast. Don't allow her to continue to live under the delusion that what she's doing is disseminating well thought out analysis.

Cataloguing and dialoguing

I've started this here blog for the express purpose of having a place to express my thoughts and ideas. While I'll be also blogging over at the cinemATL site, I want this one to be a mix of the personal as well the public.

Hopefully what I have to say will be funny, insightful and informative, for you as well as for me.